Sometimes time teaches us something in a different way: Sometimes time tells us that it will be left behind – after a while. Sometimes we cannot see this end being trapped somewhere in the darkness of the hours and days. Once the time passed we know that it is gone. Only then we know.
The main reason for this nightmare which seems to put everything in questions is that the very inner core of us itself is put in question. We have an image of ourselves which is carefully built over time. This picture contains all the stories we tell about us and which we want to be told about us. This picture is us. And we die once the picture dies. We die as the one we were and need to assemble the leftovers to become something new.
Everyone is afraid of that. It steals the breath, it takes away the wish to eat, it triggers the wish to sleep without end, to run away from reality which is hunting one the moment being awake. The muscles prepare for impact, everything is tense. The pressure in the head finds no valve and makes the head explode. After a while the body cannot deal with all that anymore and the mind switches to a moment of ignorance. A brief moment of relief which suddenly ends with an attack of fear from deep within. An icy ball is expanding from the chest to all the other parts of the body just to fall apart into tiny sharp pieces which seem to penetrate our skin from within. Again. And again.
The future falls into pieces and from whatever kind of angle it is examined the outcome is a disaster. There seems to be no future for the us we know. Time will proceed but should not. The planet won´t care, even if it should. Just we will be gone.
12.12 until. 15 days a refugee from reality. 15 days which ended. There might be longer time. There might be a situation we only know of that it has the potential to change everything. We might lose everything we knew about us and what we wanted other people to know about us. We will die. We will actually die as who we were. And we will become someone else. We will survive. As long as we can take who we will become. Or who we became.
